| | These last five months have been the most emotional I think I've ever had. God has been breaking me of myself. He has been teacher, preacher, and healer. I think when I was a freshman here I thought I fully understood what it meant to be healed by God. I was feeling emotion I'd never felt before and he was healing me of some major idols I'd been struggling with. But that whole year the focus was always self-centered. I remember every time I'd leave counseling I would think, "Wow, that's depressing." We never talked about anything but my problems... which I guess should be expected when you go to counseling.
Do you guys remember growing pains? And I don't mean the tv show with Kirk Cameron. It may not look like it but I did grow an awful lot when I was in junior high. And I had terrible growing pains. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and crying out in pain... that right there is how is feel right now. Change in life brings on this feeling for me. I'm not one to fear change. But when you feel as if your whole world is being redefined and you only have one constant, even if it is the most unwavering constant imaginable, its hard not to want to run screaming sometimes.
These past couple months God has called me to step up in some amazing ways. This summer was one of those great defining moments in life for me... not because of one single event or person... but because God chose to reveal himself to me in a series of events. Events that called for action. That's just kinda how God does things. He doesn't teach and then just let you get on with your life, he wants you to apply what he has taught you right then and there. I love that.
So I've been doing what I do best these days... questioning. Why is God choosing now to focus so intently on all these areas of my life simltamiously? Is he preparing me now for something he has planned for me later in life? Is he making me into the woman I was meant to be? Is he breaking me of myself so that I can more humbly serve him? My questions always lead to more questions. And the only thing that they point back to is that I am and always will be a part of something greater than myself. |
| | Posted 10/15/2006 11:57 PM - 11 Views - 4 eProps - 2 comments
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